Birthers

Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 09.21.16

* Florida AG Pam Bondi admits she took donation money from Donald Trump when she was toying with an investigation of Trump University, but says she has no regrets about keeping the cash. "If I had returned it, you would have reported 'Bondi accepted a bribe, got caught and returned it." [AP] * Could President Barack Obama sue Donald Trump over the "birther" conspiracy? If so, what would be his cause of action? He could potentially file suit for defamation, but as a public figure, he'd have an uphill battle proving actual malice and damages. [Big Law Business] * Ahmad Rahami, the man accused of Saturday's bombings in New York and New Jersey, has been federally charged with use of a weapon of mass destruction, bombing, destruction of property, and use of a destructive device. His bail has been set at $5.2 million. There's been no word yet as to whether he has hired an attorney. [CNN] * According to Judge Alison Nathan of the Southern District of New York, bitcoins are, in fact, money -- at least under this federal anti-money laundering statute. If you think "funds" are "pecuniary resources… generally accepted as a medium of exchange or a means of payment," you better believe bitcoins are a form of money. [WSJ Law Blog] * "We think that they are attempting to use civil discovery to get around the limits on criminal discovery in the criminal case." According to Gloria Allred, the civil sexual abuse case her client has filed against Bill Cosby in California is going to be put on the back burner for a time into his criminal charges can be more fully litigated. [Reuters]

By Staci Zaretsky
Contracts

Non-Sequiturs: 01.09.13

* They should teach “defending strippers” in law school. I feel like people could have a thriving practice just representing strippers against the various perils in their lives. [The Smoking Gun] * And of course, that class should be taught by Marc Randazza. [The Legal Satyricon] * Bill Maher v. Donald Trump. Offer v. Consideration. Comedian v. D-bag. This will make for a fun issue spotter for any spring term contracts classes. [Josh Blackman's Blog] * Can you prove that a getting a legal aid lawyer actually helps? Are you sure? [Boston Globe] * Birthers are now coming after Chief Justice Roberts. You know what they’re not coming after? Book learning! (zing) [Huffington Post] * Here’s a formal job application, I think, to be the new Clerk of the Supreme Court. [Prawfsblawg] * In the state of nature, this is how pizza places were kept down to the level of the rest of us. [Legal Juice]

By David Lat
Alan Dershowitz

Morning Docket: 06.07.12

* You know what’s really got to suck hard? Turning down a Supreme Court nomination to be governor, and then losing your gubernatorial re-election bid. Mario Cuomo is the Bad Luck Brian of our time. [New York Daily News] * And speaking of bad luck, this prominent antitrust lawyer is like the harbinger of Biglaw doom. In the last four years, Marc Schildkraut has bounced from Heller to Howrey to Dewey. Good luck to his new firm, Cooley LLP. [Washingtonian] * Another judge — this time from the S.D.N.Y. — has found that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Paul Clement, the patron saint of conservative causes, is probably facepalming right now. [Reuters] * Judge Jed Rakoff “politely” benchslapped a Cardozo Law student for playing pen pal over his evidentiary rulings in the Rajat Gupta insider trading trial. Time to get a new hobby, girl. [DealBook / New York Times] * “I don’t know how you all practice law in Texas.” It looks like the judge presiding over the Roger Clemens case hasn’t been keeping up with all of our crazy stories from the Lone Star state. [Wall Street Journal] * “[T]he epitome of unprofessionalism”: State Attorney Angela Corey couldn’t take the heat from Harvard Law professor Alan Dershowitz, so she threatened to sue the school and get him disbarred. [Orlando Sentinel] * “What did you guys do to deserve me? How did you guys get stuck with this? Ay yi yi.” At least Jerry Sandusky’s got a sense of humor about a potential 500 year sentence. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * The election outlook for birthers may not be so bleak after all. Sure, Orly Taitz lost her bid to be a senator, but Gary Kreep might get to be a judge in San Diego County. We’ll find out later today. [North County Times]

By Staci Zaretsky
Accounting / Accountants

Non-Sequiturs: 05.30.12

* Man, the economy is so bad, monks are having to go to court to fight for a new revenue stream. [WSJ Law Blog] * We have peace between a Texas auction house and the President of Mongolia over the ownership of a Tyrannosaur skeleton. While we’re here, should anybody wish to invite me to a pre-screening of their inventive dinosaur park, I’d like to note that I’m not the type of bloodsucking lawyer who leaves children behind. [Heritage Foundation] * Did you know Sullivan & Cromwell got involved in the birther controversy? The first one, the legitimate one with Mitt Romney’s father. Not the ridiculous one that Romney’s been embracing. [Reuters] * Speaking of Mittens, did you know he supports for-profit colleges? That’s like supporting people jumping off the Empire State Building, so long as they pay to get in. [Salon] * Could an accounting firm pull a Dewey? [Going Concern] * Have an idea for how to improve the Constitution? Share it with the good folks over at Slate. [The Hive / Slate]

By Elie Mystal
American Bar Association / ABA

Morning Docket: 01.09.12

* Is the Roberts court really as pro-First Amendment as we’ve been led to believe? Lawyers aren’t really that good at math, but they’ve done studies, you know. And 34.5% of the time, it works every time. [New York Times] * The people at the ABA aren’t concerned that William Robinson’s remarks made him seem […]

By Staci Zaretsky
5th Circuit

Non-Sequiturs: 01.05.12

* Pepsi lawyers offer a creative (if disturbing) defense to a lawsuit by a man who claims he found a mouse in his Mountain Dew. [Madison County Record via The Atlantic Wire] * Will birther queen Orly Taitz get to depose — i.e., “rupture the jurisprudential hymen” — of President Barack Obama? That would be […]

By David Lat
American Bar Association / ABA

Morning Docket: 12.23.11

* Merry Christmas! House Republicans will get one less lump of coal in their stockings this year after accepting a two-month extension of unemployment benefits and payroll tax cuts. [New York Times] * Another birther lawsuit has been thrown out, but Orly Taitz won’t be stopped. She’s like the Energizer Bunny of questionable litigation. She’ll […]

By Staci Zaretsky
Anna Nicole Smith

Morning Docket: 10.04.11

* Anna Nicole Smith is still screwing old white men from beyond the grave. Biglaw firms want Heller Ehrman’s claims to be decided in federal court, not bankruptcy court. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * Kirkland & Ellis is pledging $2.75M to Stanford Law over the next five years in an effort to convince more […]

By Staci Zaretsky
Barack Obama

Obama Releases Long Form Birth Certificate

I hope you are happy, Birthers. In an amazing concession to the lunatic fringe in America, President Barack Obama has released his “long form” birth certificate from Hawaii. Actually, check that, using the word “released” adopts the narrative of the crazies. It’s more accurate to say that the President of the United States successfully begged […]

By Elie Mystal